GTA VI is here. Vice City in all its chaotic, neon-drenched glory. You can rob banks, evade police helicopters, and build a criminal empire from the ground up.

But somewhere in that sprawling map, there are apartments with burst pipes, mansions with faulty wiring, and beach houses where the joiner has not been paid. What would it look like if Rockstar added a realistic Tradesman DLC?

Here are the 10 missions that would actually ship.

Mission 1: The Callback

Objective: Three customers have left voicemails. Return all three calls within 10 minutes.

Reality: You are on a roof with no signal, the van's Bluetooth is broken, and by the time you climb down, two of them have already booked someone else.

Game mechanic: Each second of delay reduces the chance of booking by 5%. Wait more than 8 minutes: job lost. The third customer is fine — they just wanted to know if you do boilers.

IRL stat: 57% of tradesmen never call back. The ones who do so within 10 minutes win significantly more work.

Mission 2: The Quote That Took Three Weeks

Objective: Send a written quote to a customer within 24 hours of the site visit.

Reality: You wrote the prices on a piece of paper that is now somewhere in the van. You meant to type it up. It has been 11 days. They have gone with someone else.

Cutscene: Your character sits at a kitchen table at 10:47pm with a calculator and a notepad, trying to remember whether the materials quote was £280 or £320.

IRL fix: Sleepless Tradesman generates the full quote in under 2 minutes from a voice description. No kitchen table required.

Mission 3: The Materials Delivery

Objective: Get your materials delivered on time for a 7am start.

Reality: The merchant says Wednesday. It arrives Friday. You have already told the customer you will be done by Thursday.

Game mechanic: The delivery van appears on the map. It is stationary. It has been stationary for four hours. You can see the driver on his phone.

Side quest unlocked: "Reorder from a different merchant" — 3 days longer, £40 more expensive, guaranteed to arrive before the original order does.

Mission 4: The Five-Minute Job

Objective: Fix a dripping tap. Should take 20 minutes.

Reality: The isolation valve has not been turned in 15 years. It shears off. The customer's stopcock is seized. You need to shut the street supply. You are now in contact with the water board. It is 4pm on a Friday.

Difficulty rating: Deceptively Simple / Actually Brutal

Customer NPC dialogue: "I thought you said it was a quick job?"

Mission 5: The Invoice

Objective: Invoice the customer on completion.

Reality: You finish at 6pm. You meant to invoice that evening. You invoice 12 days later. They pay 26 days after that. Your card is declined at the builders merchant.

Game mechanic: Every day you delay invoicing, the invoice value decreases by 1% — representing the declining urgency for the customer to pay. Invoice within 24 hours: full amount, paid in 14 days. Invoice after 30 days: expect a negotiation.

IRL fix: Sleepless Tradesman creates and sends the invoice in under 60 seconds, directly from the completed quote.

Mission 6: The Customer Who Won't Pay

Objective: Recover £1,800 from a customer who "has some concerns about the work."

Reality: The concerns appeared after the invoice arrived. The work was fine. They want a 20% discount "for the inconvenience" of having a functioning bathroom.

Available options:

A. Send a polite follow-up (+2% chance of payment, morale -15)
B. Send a letter before action under the Late Payment of Commercial Debts Act 1998 (+65% chance of payment)
C. Small claims court (guaranteed recovery if under £10,000, takes 4-6 months)

Unlockable: A written contract at point of sale reduces the chance of this mission appearing by 80%.

Mission 7: The Parking Fine

Objective: Complete a job in central London without receiving a parking ticket.

Conditions: No parking within 400 metres. The loading bay has a 20-minute limit. You need 4 hours. The pay-and-display machine is out of order. The parking app does not recognise your registration.

Outcome: You park on a single yellow line. You receive a £130 PCN at minute 23. You appeal on the grounds that you were attending an emergency repair. The appeal is rejected. You pay £65 at 14 days.

This mission cannot be completed without a parking fine. It is not a bug.

Mission 8: The Callback (Again)

Objective: Return a call from a customer who contacted you 18 months ago for a quote you never sent.

Dialogue:

"I wanted to check if you were still interested in the job."
"Actually yes, we never found anyone."
(Original quote no longer valid — prices have increased 12%)
"Can you match your original price?"

Available response: Explain that material and labour costs have increased and you would need to requote.

Customer NPC: Books someone cheaper. Calls back in 3 weeks when the cheaper tradesman does not show up.

Mission 9: The Tax Return

Objective: Complete and file your self-assessment tax return for the previous year.

Time limit: January 31st

Starting conditions: You have a box of receipts. Some are from 2023. You do not know which ones. Your accountant is on holiday until the 14th.

Unlockable documents: Van lease, tool purchases, workwear, fuel logs, professional subscriptions — all claimable. Combined saving: £2,400. Time to find them all: 11 hours.

Achievement unlocked: Filed On Time — awarded to 68% of self-employed tradespeople. The other 32% receive a £100 automatic penalty.

Mission 10: The Day Off

Objective: Take a Saturday off without responding to a work message.

Difficulty: Legendary

Conditions: Three missed calls. One WhatsApp reading "Hi, is this still your number?" (It is.) One voicemail beginning with "It's quite urgent." One text from a customer whose boiler broke the day before asking if you could "pop round."

Outcome: You check your phone at 11:15am. You are now working.

Achievement unlocked: Unavailable. This achievement has never been unlocked.

The Real DLC

No game has yet captured what it actually takes to run a trade business well: the quoting, the scheduling, the invoicing, the cash flow management, the reputation building. It looks simple from the outside. It is not.

The tradesmen who make it work well have one thing in common: they treat the business side with the same discipline as the tools. Fast quotes. Professional invoices. Written terms. Prompt follow-ups.

That is the actual game. And the score is not measured in Vice City dollars.

Running a trade business and want to cut the admin time? Try Sleepless Tradesman free — quotes in under 2 minutes, invoices in under 60 seconds.

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